you are your own breast friend, milk not included

Today, I want to get this off my chest, well not literally of course. Just something that I've been holding on for quite a while.

At the start when I was still pregnant, I was excited on the idea to breastfeed. Partly because of the information that I read online, the amazing testimonials that most mothers have on breastfeeding and the bond that is shared between mother and baby. I mean, the propaganda on breast is best is so in your face and which mother does'nt want the best for their kids right?

However, things did'nt go as planned. I was'nt able to do so not because I did'nt have milk but I did'nt realised that it is so difficult to do so. In the beginning, I was trying to latch direct, but as he is a strong sucker and the flow did'nt come quick enough, Benjamin would end up crying in fustration. And so I thought, ok maybe I'll just pump out the milk and let him drink from a bottle. Easy enough right? Wrong!

It is so discouraging to see that miniscule amount of milk after pumping for 40 minutes on each side. And the fact is no one told me that the milk supply will be more regulated after 1 month of breastfeeding. All along, I had the wrong notion that milk will just flow from the breast! It is so not true! I blamed it on the happy picutres showing a breastfeeding mother with her baby.

Anyways I was an emotional trainwreck. And I got all depressed and kept blaming myself cos I was'nt able to do so, but my husband was so encouraging. Throughout the ordeal, he was constantly encouraging me and never once did he put me down or blame me. He told me to do what is the best for Benjamin and rather to boost my ego and starving him, why not just let him have formula milk and do away with all the unnescessary stress. Love is not just being able to breastfeed, it is also caring after him and seeing his needs are met. I tell ya, these words are my saving grace man!

Yet whenever we went out, I was quite embarrassed when we have to make milk for Benjamin. I kept having this notion that I'm a bad mother and that other people were looking down on me. And whenever I see nursing mothers, I would feel jealous and feel all poignant and wonders what it feels like to nurse your own child. Guess I'll never find out, hee.

Well, I'm not saying to sound like I'm justifying myself, but really, when it comes down to our kids, we simply wants what will works best for them. In this case, the milk was not included.

P.S: Benjamin is growing up healthy and strong with no weird things whatsoever coming out of his body. And we only buy milk powder from everyelse, except China. You never know what they like to throw into their products.

baby loves water

What do you get when you unleashed a baby and a water fountain together?!!


Joy and cuteness to the max!!!!



This is him enjoying himself tremendously at a water fountain area in Clark Quay!

So there we were walking around when we chanced upon this. At first, when my sis and husband asked if I'll allowed him (Benjamin, not my husband) to play in it, I was hesitant as we did'nt go there prepared to get him wet. So we moved right along.

Then after somehow walking back to the same water fountain after a short break at TCC, they asked me again. And this time, my husband made a bet with my sis. They were making bets on whether if Benjamin will play with the water if we brought him into the water area. My sis said no, but my husband was pretty confident that Benjamin will played in it. And so the bet was 2 pints of beer should he win. (Because Pump Room was there)

And needless to say, this boy surprised us by dashing straight into it!! He was chuckling and laughing and having so much fun playing with the water. And there was this photographer who asked us for permission to take his photos. And soon, there was this small crowd that had gathered to take his pictures! It was so funny, looking at them take his pictures, man I should have collected royalties, ha!

Anyways, my husband was also surprised that I had actually allowed him play in the water. And he summed it up nicely when he replied, 'it makes you happy to see him happy right?'

And indeed, I was happy to see him happy!

Sundays and a Robin Hood sort of, to fight for your rights to have a romantic dinner

Today is Sunday, Sunday beautiful Sunday,

Gotta go out and have some fun!

(sing to the tune of Rebecca Black's Friday, its a silly song but I like it)

::

So the deal was my sister will be going to London in June to visit her boyfriend. And apparently, the boyfriend's sister will be tagging along with them. Guess what? To get over a broken heart. But is'nt it weird to be travelling with another couple? Would'nt it make you even more heart broken? Like you see them holding hands, having silly laughs and there you are like a reminder for them to remember like, 'oh wait! There's a heartbroken child we'll have to look after.

Oh man!' And the funniest part is just coming up.... my husband feels the most, whats the word? Unjustified, haha.

He went on the whole night yakking on and on about what a party pooper she is, blah blah blah and what a dense boyfriend she has to even agreed to his sister tagging along. And the most unfounded, even for my standards was he even asked his sister along for their 1 year anniversary dinner at a Gordan Ramsey restuarant! I think this was the catalyst for my husband's ranting.

My goodness, he was literally like trying to fight for their rights to have dinner on their own. Hilarious!! And all this while, my sister was very calm and zen like in her rationale. Well, I'm not sure if the heartbroken sister is ever going to tag along on their fancy dinner, but if ever I need someone to fight a case for me, I'll know who to call now.

Its ok now

Everytime I'm faced with this blank space on blogger trying to write a post, the jumbled thoughts are there but the words can't seem to flow out. Hence, the hiatus. Well, and mainly there were too many things happening the past year and I was simply too heavy hearted to write anything down. All I could do was get angry, miserable, bitter, ashamed, the list goes on. I was wondering what the hell did it happened and why us? Was'nt things going fine? Why did things get blown out of proportion? Hearing different sides of stories, and afraid to confront to get the truth, it was dark times indeed. As I look back right now, I am at least grateful for some things. My mother-in-law's support and help, my sister's unwavering generosity and the care and concern of the little friends we have left. I am truly grateful for the time they have given us to pick up the pieces. We are in the midst of picking up, but here and there more crumbs are still falling on us. But we're just have to carry on. And also, I really don't know if my faith is strong enough too. Its wearing thin and many times I don't even know if His help will come. But I know I cannot give it up. If I give it up, I know I will really have nothing to hold onto anymore. So God, please. Last year was not kind to us. Please let this remaining year be of what you promised. The year of your crowned goodness. I'm not asking for much now, I just want us to get out of this mess with a clean slate and start anew. Thats all. Thanks! As for this blog, I'll try to update more but no promises.

rules of parenthood

i actually blogged about it and halfway through, i had to pacify a sleepy baby, came back wanted to post it up and blogger told me there's something wrong with that post.

and it was a good post even i say so. i guess its really for another time then!

confessions of the sleepy and daydream too much mother

ok, i confess.

i really envy my friends who do not have children yet, when they go on holidays. its like so easy and simple for them to drop their work, make some bookings, packed their bags and ta-dah! get on the airplane and off they go to their destinations.

and here i am, watching my 9, coming 10 month old son, attempting to stuff the whole cone shape thingy toy in his mouth, crawling into the toilet, tugging at strings, thinking he's a puppy and generally just gnawing at things around his way.

while all this is happening, i would daydream of romantic dreams of walking hand in hand with my husband, going shopping shops after shops a la pretty woman (the scenes when she got his credit card), doing my hair, being glamourous, putting on pretty clothes, sipping my tea and ordering my husband around (this is when i know i have to be really dreaming to be doing this).

and then silence. this is also when i would wake up from my daydream and realised that my son is chewing on a dried leave he picked up from the stroller and thus, brought me back to my humble hdb flat in jurong west.

well, i also wanted to add in the awesome-ness of being a mother and all the sweetness and googly feelings you get when your child smiles at you.

but i guess i'll leave it for the next post.

what took you so long?

oops, it has been so long since i've came in here to blogged that i've forgotten my password, ha!

the little one is growing up fast, too fast. he's crawling all over the house, pulling himself to stand and grabbing things, stuffing it into his mouth, blabbering, drooling, busy with growing up. till date, he has 8 teeth, 4 each on the upper and lower gums. he looks so darn cute when he smiles and you can see his teeth peeping out.

and over the past few months that i've not been blogging, we celebrated our 2 years wedding anniversary and my birthday, watched countless movies on the home screen, benjamin fell off the bed twice, ate lots of oysters (the husband), steaks, went to Universal Studios, almost got an accident scare (the husband's car brakes failed to worked), apply for passport for benjamin, took him out with his stroller onto the bus, did online shopping, groceries shopping and zoom! November is here.

gosh, time flies too fast too. and just like that, the year is coming to an end and a brand new year awaits us just round the corner.

ok, till the next time!