I am writing this a few days shy of my actual birthday. These days, I prefer to cling onto my age after my actual birthday has passed rather than the definitive year. It's psychological warfare in my mind, my dear. After you've passed thirty, everything is accelerated. Everything.
So, what makes this year any more special than the last? Nothing. And nothing is what makes it ordinary. I guess I'm way past all the fancy shindigs of any celebrations and I'm guessing it really has to do with age. Not that I've grew up to be some kind of a sage, but rather, the whole she-bangs of a birthday celebration holds no appeal to me any more.
With this said, I'm actually really glad to be in my thirties now. I have the freedom to be independent, the confidence in being in my own skin and the assertiveness to not be afraid of what I want or say. In a way, I guess I did really grew up and blossomed into a woman. It just took me a slightly longer time to do so or as they like to say, a late-bloomer.
Anyway, this post is not so much a pensive one nor is it going to be a motivational one. Rather, this is the soon-going-to-be-33 me, telling the current-clinging-onto-the-32 me on some of the life lessons that we've both been through.
Dear Soon-going-to-be-33 me,
the life that you've imagining that you're going to have didn't quite turn out as planned eh? Not to worry. Because in time, it will teach you to be stronger and alot braver than you will ever be. True. You're still aloof and arrogant at times, especially when it comes to strangers and friends, but I guess that is a good thing. No? It'll guard you against the would-bes and the could-bes, but it'll also help you to know who are the ones worth making and losing.
And you know something else? Your family IS the best thing that has happened to you. Especially the two boys. They have brought you so much unconditioned love and joy that this is what has made you into the woman you are today. The responsibilities that you must bear right now to shape them into the kind of person they grow up to be, these will pass. The foundations have to be laid strong now, so that they will not be easily broken when the storms come crashing through.
Your husband? He really does love you more than you know. True that he will disappoint you at times and make you angry and sad although its both at the same time or ALL at the same time, but know this and know it deep in your heart. He loves you. And that is enough. If it is not, remember to look at your wedding band and remind yourself again. That is a testament. Marriage is hard work, marriage is difficult, marriage is continually about making that same decision to be with that same person, over and over again. Unless he screws up. Or you. Then, uhm all the best(?)
Your journey has just started, this life holds so much more possibilities and opportunities than you know. We are all writers. We write our own stories and we make our own memories. Don't be afraid. Be brave with your life.
Somehow, this has somewhat turn into a motivational letter which I intentionally do not want to. So I'll signed off here and may you live your life bravely. Oh one more thing. If your husband says he wants to get you anything you like, don't be humble (read: stupid) and say no, just say hell yeah baby! You've been warned.