Thursday, July 16, 2015

Hormones of the guilty kind

So last night, Jeb had wanted me to carry him before his bedtime. I carried him for a while and brought him to his bed but he wanted more. So I carried him a while more and did the same thing again but this time he wanted to sit on my lap, to sleep. I obliged him while I fell asleep sitting up and jerked myself awake when my leg decided to cramp itself.

So when he rolled over to his bed and was quiet for a while, I thought okay good, he's gonna sleep soon and what do you know? He decided to ask me to carry him again! Why thank you Murphy!

But I decided not to because I was tired and also, I'm not going to indulged him with all that carrying. So I lay very still while he kept whining for me to carry him. So obviously with a lying Mama and his whines unanswered, it escalated into full blown crying.

And all the while, I kept ignoring him until.... he started to ask for water. I relented, sternly told him to stay still while I went to get a cup of water for him. He drank it and then, he whimpered, "Sorry Mama, sorry Mama".

Then I broke.

My heart. Can't deal.

So this morning when I thought back on last night, it made me think of what he was actually apologizing about? Sorry that he had cried so much it made me angry? Sorry that he had made me get him a cup of water? Sorry that all he wanted was for me to carry him? Or sorry that all he wanted was to be close to me thus asking to be carried?

Damn these mother hormones.

I questioned myself if I was too harsh on him and it is always these things that makes you think you're the worst mother in the world.

Sappiness aside, we'll be having a barbecue and hello long weekend!

Okay bye!

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