And words are all I have

Last night as I was getting both boys ready for bed, Benjamin randomly said, "Bye bye Mama!"

I looked up and answered him back, "Ok, since you said bye bye to me, I'm going to go home now! (We were at my mum's place).

"But why Mama?"

"Because you said bye bye to me and now I'm going home!" With that, I turned and left the room.

At this point, I think he got worried because he came running after me and said, "Mama! Mama! Hello! Hello! Now I said Hello, you don't go ok?"

God, I really don't deserve this kid and probably should also slapped myself for scaring him like that.

This kid taught me that what I say to them really matters and in all honesty, I really cannot recall anything my parents said to me back then. My husband would probably roll his eyes and said that's only because I usually don't remember things much anyway.

But I truly beg to differ.

Words, no matter how and what have been spoken or written will definitely leave an imprint on us. They either built us up or tear us down. Brings us hope or leave us disappointed. Make good a promise, a vow, a pact or sours relationships, friendship or kinship.

I don't want you. 

Go away.

Shut up.

They're not just words. They're emotions in motion.

I try to refrain from using these words to my boys as much as possible. Not that I would tell them I do not want them any more, but I would use a softer approach like move aside or please keep quiet, Mama-is-having-a-terrible-headache-from-hearing-you-talk-all-morning kind of tone. You know? And now that Benjamin is older, perhaps it is time to introduce him to the Quiet Game. The one who speaks first lose. Ha!

I know this also applies to spouse. But I'll practice on the boys first.

Linking up with:

mamawearpapashirt

Sappy Friday

Sometimes a woman just needs a good cry.

Sometimes, a good cry helps us to see things in a clearer picture, through the blurry tears.

Sometimes, all we need is to cry it out, held embrace in your arms, without any questions.

Sometimes, we actually find the answers we need during a crying session.

Sometimes, the tears helps in our healing process. A day, a week, a year. So long the tears helps us to heal.

Sometimes, the tears are the multitude of emotions that were left unspoken.

Sometimes, they are also the remnants of present hurt.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the tears that we shed, are the only words that needs to be spoken.

Sometimes, tears makes us a better person.

Sometimes, the tears reveal who we really are. Through the layers, through the walls, through the weakness, through the strength.

Sometimes, the tears makes us who we want to be. Might even take us where we ought to go.

Just sometimes.

***

This pretty much sums up how I feel today. Good day to you too.

This is how I roll

I actually took time off away from the boys to enjoy after work time for myself. The husband is on a business trip, the boys are at their grandma's house, and after spending so much time with them last week, I decide to just use this week to do my own stuff.

Stuff like having my hair cut and washed. Having dinner alone. Having donuts without sharing. Taking a long walk home.

And lastly, I received a lovely surprise gift from my dear sister.

Clementi Ave 2 Nasi Lemak.
Awesome chicken wings and even hotter chilli.

Walking home before the downpour.

Not my birthday but it sure feels good to receive gifts.

After cupcakes, donuts are my next favourites.

It's such a refreshing change from the norm of either meeting the husband after work (when he's back in SG) or heading to my mum's to be with the boys.

Don't get me wrong. I love love love to be with them, but sometimes you just have to break away from the routine to get yourself back together again. 

Because being a wife and mother for a while, things can get hectic you know. So, I find that taking time away from these two identities and just being a woman, being by myself, being me, brings much needed joy and I find solace in it. And that's when I feel that I can go back to being a better wife and mother to my family. 

And so today I'll go back to being wife (husband is coming back!) and Mama where I'll go pick up my boys and we'll enjoy our weekend.

Have a good one!

Linking up with:

I know its Friday but hey, its still motivational! Right? Right.

Happy together

I came across this blog post and one of the points really struck me.

Point 6. Respect money.

Its not the type of respect till you placed it on a pedestal and worshipped it, but its the most basic kind of respect; managing it wisely.

And I also love how he wrote about when his wife couldn't decide on what to buy while shopping in a Marc Jacobs store in LA, he simply told her he'll buy everything that she has chosen. WOAH.

Its not a moment of madness, but like what he said, its about living in that moment and letting loose. And when that moment comes, you'll learn to appreciate these material things even more.

I couldn't agree more.

Once on a honeymoon trip in London, my husband also had that moment and told me to get a branded bag that I liked. Guess what? I didn't.

Because it was alot of money, at least to me, and I thought that I was helping him to save money. Turns out, he was having that moment when he wanted to let loose and get me whatever I want.

And he has never failed to rub it in my face ever since.

And I've learnt my lesson because now when he says he'll buy things for me, I'll gladly accept without hesitation!

We're not struggling as much as before, nor are we well off. Right now, we're just within our limits and able to provide for the kids and to me, that is of utmost importance. We're well fed, well clothed and well, there's a roof over our heads, and I'm really really thankful for these provision to pay for our basic needs.

But when it comes to a time of letting loose, be it on a well deserved holiday, handbag, shoes, clothes, car, house, whatever, don't hold back. Heck, it doesn't even have to be expensive too. If you're really wanting that bubble tea? Go for it! Cupcakes? Go for it! Cakes? Go for it! Online sale? Go for it!

Because once that moment is gone, its gone.

That moment is for making someone else happy. And when they're happy, you're happy.

Linking up with:

The only 3 year old boy that drinks coffee

Stealing sips from my coffee cup.
Cheeky.

Does anyone else's kid drinks coffee and loves it? He surely does. 

Linking up with:

Octvember

You know what? October just steam rolled by and right now its already November! This sudden realisation that its year end came to me when I was bringing the boys for a grocery run just the other day.

Benjamin was pointing out to me the red poinsettia balls hanging on the mall's ceiling while asking me why are they doing there.

Being the informative mother that I am, I replied that Christmas is coming soon and that's why they're hanging Christmas decora.... OMG CHRISTMAS IS COMING! ... tions on the ceiling.

Yeah, that sort of revelation.

So.

October was sure a fun month. We had a mini family trip to Cambodia, celebrated my 31st and ended with both boys catching hfmd. Just fun.

Right now, as I'm furiously just penning whatever thoughts that are coming, I've been at home with them the past week just looking after them. Whenever I see those damn blisters, I get so angry. Yet, I'm also counting my blessings. Because I know that they are getting well now and it could have been alot worse.

And for the past two days, both boys have been sleeping really early like before 8pm. Which I think I can get used to the early mornings and drowsy afternoons. Its a good trade off. Them missing the afternoon nap to go to bed early. Yup, its good..

Anyway, this post is almost unedited, just free flow of words bursting out.

And I just remembered that I've yet to draft that approval email to apply for no pay leave. Its never too early to panic right? Right.

So here's to you November. Be kind, be good, be not too fast to December. I'm not ready yet.