I only remembered I had that drink

I found this empty draft in my folder and kept trying to remember what it was that I wanted to write about but somehow didn't managed to.

And I can't remember.

These few days, I often had short lapse of memory black outs and while I am attributing it to the post pregnancy hormones, I am however, making a mental note on trying to improve on it though (seriously no pun intended). The lapses can be anything from telling myself to take something from the kitchen, and then promptly forgetting about it, to trying to remember what I am trying to say, like for this instance. You have no idea how many times I've hit the backspace button just trying to type this sentence out.

Is this a cause for concern?

And the worst-case-scenario freak in me is telling me what worst-case-scenario is going to happen to me. Onslaught of dementia and early signs of senility and many other medical terms that I do not know of has suddenly made me an expert. Are they part of your genetics or is it hereditary? My maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother has it, will I be next?

Heck, it could also be due to the fact I am a sleep deprived mother of two, answering the 10,000 questions my toddler throws at me, entertaining a growing infant whose idea of fun is carrying him while he tries to 'walk' around the whole house and cries angrily when he is being made to lie down, working full time AND obliging wifely duties to the husband.

I am not complaining.

Just the other night, I had my first gin and tonic drink ever and realised what I have been missing out when all I ever ordered was cranberry juice.

That stuff was real good and it promptly put me to sleep. Exactly what I need.

This has no relevant link at all except that I had an awesome drink that puts me to sleep. Okay bye.

Life lessons from out of nowhere

take that you!

I really admired mums who can cook, bake, sew, knit, juggle, clean and managed the household while looking after their children. When I read mommy's blogs on how they keep their children entertained while making sure they threw in some learning opportunities, my idea of teaching the son is him watching the tv and I pointing out random facts like, "Look! That monkey is so cute!" or, "That girl is so pretty!". And because of these lessons, the son sure knows how to differentiate cute and pretty.

There was this one time my sister remarked on how the kid (my younger son) looked like a baby monkey in a photo we took and the son butt in and said, "Didi is so cute!".

But he redeemed himself later on when he told me I looked pretty in a swirly skirt that I was wearing. See, important life lessons learnt; always redeemed yourself by complimenting people after you've said something offensive.

THEN, there was this time when I was scolding him for being naughty when he looked at me and said," Sshh Mama. Cannot be angry, the baby upstairs is sleeping!" For the record, the upstairs neighbour did have a baby but we hardly see or hear them anyway.

This my friend is the ultimate lesson: diffusing the tension with something funny. And I do not know where he learnt this from.

Off with his hair

How was your weekend? Mine was good. We spent it just enjoying with the kids, having breakfast, watching new cartoons, messing up the house, taking afternoon naps with each kid waking up simultaneously, having dinner on a rainy night and going off to sleep with the windows wide open.

Oh and we shaved the kid's hair. Now he look absolutely like a little monk.

where is my hair?

his favourite activity is laughing at his own reflection in the mirror

Today he turns six months old. SIX months old! How did he grew so fast?!

I know I've been exasperated by his feeding habits and his light-as-a-feather sleep, but right now, I just want to remind myself how wonderful he has been too.

How I love to hear his morning coos and chuckles, how he laughs when we make funny faces at him, his soulful gaze when I look deep in his eyes, his earnest little hands grabbing my face when I bring him near me, his wobbly little legs trying their hardest to crawl and his cute little pouty mouth before he starts crying. Oh and how can I forget his wonderful sweet baby smell.

my bald baby

To infinity and beyond. Or maybe just till you turn 18.

Happy six months darling.

Have yourself a dong dong dong dong chiang new year!

I am prep-ping myself for the onslaught of all the goodies like pineapple tarts, Bak Kwa, love letters and also, braving myself for the son's pleading when I'll need to control his intake of the unlimited supply of soft drinks and sweets at every home's visit. Shudder.

But the most fun part of Chinese New Year is dressing up in new clothes, new shoes, new bags, new everything. While I would like to dress to impress, I had to bear in mind that I have a toddler and a baby to chase after and puked upon, thus comfort and practicality are still key to me.

So here are some inspiration boards to snazzy me up while still being comfortable for the whole day.

For Reunion Dinner:

via Polyvore

It's comfy and ready for bed anytime. That's how cool cats rock yo.

Day 1:

via Polyvore

I thought of going full on black, well you know, to cover up and hide any bulging bits, but then thought otherwise. And I like how the cobalt blue actually complements the floral top. The key to balancing this tuck-in look is in the proportion of your waist and hips. Tuck too high and you might end up looking too frumpy, too low and you'll end up too hipster?

Day 2:

via Polyvore

Well a girl can dream, right? Right?!

Have a blast celebrating the Chinese New Year!

To quote from the bible, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"

I came across this blog post dissecting the cons of  formula milk and I must say that while I was alarmed and shocked by the facts and statistics that the author provided, at the end of it, while looking through all the comments on her post, I actually felt, for the first time in my life, quite liberated.

Not judged, not depressed, just liberated.

Quite simply because I've been on both spectrum of feeding types, I know and have experienced the torment and guilt when I thought I have no milk for the son, and the joy and tenderness for the kid when I did managed, quite to my surprise, to be able to breastfeed the second time round.

There will always be the lactivists (pro-breastfeeding activist) throwing and hurling those judgemental stones on those mothers who chose to formula feed and going on and on about the benefits of breastfeeding, but truth be told, no one, especially for a first time jittery mother, to hear your almighty views on how you breastfed your child and how wonderful your milk is and how when we chose to formula feed, we are depriving our child the best that nature intended.

No mothers would want to hear that!

What they want to hear are words of encouragement, of love, of tenderness and an unwavering support from their husbands and family without any bias-ness and judgement. If you had breastfeed successfully before, show them the right way to do it. If you've been disappointed before, show them that whatever decision she makes is for the good of her child.

All mothers want the best for their children. But if your point of view or principles differs, please don't turn what was given to us mothers, this gift of feeding, into such lofty aspirations that only the BEST mothers can achieve. And to judged those who had tried and tried and still gave up, as evil.

We are not.

We are simply trying to give our children all we can, to feed them.

So show some kindness, and hey, its free too!

What the kid does to me

Since the kid was born, I've been feeling rather inadequate in looking after him. Although he is the second child, somehow looking after him takes alot more effort, patience and attention.

He was born small, 2.2kg, at exactly 37 weeks. Prior to his birth, between 35 and 36 weeks, we found out during a routine check up that he wasn't growing very well. It seems he wasn't putting on enough weight.

That scared the shit out of me.

Straight away, I thought back on the food I ate, did I consume any wrong things, have I been regularly taking my pre-natal vitamins and whatever nots. My mind was racing so fast and at the same time, the gynae was going through the options of delivering the baby early to avoid any complications. But my mind wasn't registering anything that he was saying because all I felt was, GUILT.

Guilty that I didn't ate well, guilty that I had pushed myself too hard at work, guilty that I had neglected his well-being and guilty that I had been complacent as he was my second pregnancy. The first pregnancy was smooth sailing, so what can be wrong with this second one?

Thankfully, when the day for his induced delivery came, his water bag broke on his own and we didn't have to have any induced done. He was born healthy and though he was small, he had a set of powerful lungs as he screamed and cried when he was out.

So right now, at coming 6 months, he is considered small for his age, around 3 percentile for his weight, height and head circumference.

He was breastfed for 3 and a half months before I stopped and switched him to formula. This is where the feeding nightmare starts.

Every single time when its time for him to feed, he would put up such a struggle that anyone would have thought we are torturing him instead. He would pushed the teats out with his tongue, stretched his hands and feet, huff and puff, used his hands to push the milk bottle away and for his latest trick, he would actually lay there with the bottle in his mouth, but would just let the milk spew and flow right out of it.

The only times he would gladly drink well are the early morning and last feeds when he's still in the half alseep zone which he is able to finish the whole feed. Other times, he would simply not finish or drink. And that is after a 5-6 hour interval.

It's simply frustrating.

And it breaks my heart to see him like this.

There was this one time that I was so angry with him for refusing the milk bottle that I left him just crying his heart out for a good 20 or 30 mins, I don't really remember as I was so tired and helpless and at that moment, I felt detach from him.

Immune to his incessant cries, void of any sympathy for him.

If that's what he wants then that's what he gets, I thought.

Don't get me wrong, I truly truly love him and am really thankful for him, but at that point in time, that is how I really felt.

I love my family!

We feel the love too.

I can go school!

Entering into a new phase of his life

Today is a big day for the son.

It's weird I know to start your first day of school at the end of the week, but trust me when I say that the waiting lists for classes for pre-school children are longer than the Great Wall of China.

Exaggeration? Fact.

I've went around enquiring a few childcare centres and playgroups for vacancies since a year ago and always the answer is that I'll be put on a waiting lists. And the waiting lists would already have 50 over parents' names whom are also, I believe, putting their names on others' waiting list.

So when this playgroup has an available spot, my mum who is now his caregiver, immediately rang me up to say she wants to register him on the spot. Which she did yesterday, thus he's starting today. This woman sure works fast!

Keeping my fingers cross he will enjoy himself while learning!