And words are all I have

Last night as I was getting both boys ready for bed, Benjamin randomly said, "Bye bye Mama!"

I looked up and answered him back, "Ok, since you said bye bye to me, I'm going to go home now! (We were at my mum's place).

"But why Mama?"

"Because you said bye bye to me and now I'm going home!" With that, I turned and left the room.

At this point, I think he got worried because he came running after me and said, "Mama! Mama! Hello! Hello! Now I said Hello, you don't go ok?"

God, I really don't deserve this kid and probably should also slapped myself for scaring him like that.

This kid taught me that what I say to them really matters and in all honesty, I really cannot recall anything my parents said to me back then. My husband would probably roll his eyes and said that's only because I usually don't remember things much anyway.

But I truly beg to differ.

Words, no matter how and what have been spoken or written will definitely leave an imprint on us. They either built us up or tear us down. Brings us hope or leave us disappointed. Make good a promise, a vow, a pact or sours relationships, friendship or kinship.

I don't want you. 

Go away.

Shut up.

They're not just words. They're emotions in motion.

I try to refrain from using these words to my boys as much as possible. Not that I would tell them I do not want them any more, but I would use a softer approach like move aside or please keep quiet, Mama-is-having-a-terrible-headache-from-hearing-you-talk-all-morning kind of tone. You know? And now that Benjamin is older, perhaps it is time to introduce him to the Quiet Game. The one who speaks first lose. Ha!

I know this also applies to spouse. But I'll practice on the boys first.

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mamawearpapashirt

Sappy Friday

Sometimes a woman just needs a good cry.

Sometimes, a good cry helps us to see things in a clearer picture, through the blurry tears.

Sometimes, all we need is to cry it out, held embrace in your arms, without any questions.

Sometimes, we actually find the answers we need during a crying session.

Sometimes, the tears helps in our healing process. A day, a week, a year. So long the tears helps us to heal.

Sometimes, the tears are the multitude of emotions that were left unspoken.

Sometimes, they are also the remnants of present hurt.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the tears that we shed, are the only words that needs to be spoken.

Sometimes, tears makes us a better person.

Sometimes, the tears reveal who we really are. Through the layers, through the walls, through the weakness, through the strength.

Sometimes, the tears makes us who we want to be. Might even take us where we ought to go.

Just sometimes.

***

This pretty much sums up how I feel today. Good day to you too.

This is how I roll

I actually took time off away from the boys to enjoy after work time for myself. The husband is on a business trip, the boys are at their grandma's house, and after spending so much time with them last week, I decide to just use this week to do my own stuff.

Stuff like having my hair cut and washed. Having dinner alone. Having donuts without sharing. Taking a long walk home.

And lastly, I received a lovely surprise gift from my dear sister.

Clementi Ave 2 Nasi Lemak.
Awesome chicken wings and even hotter chilli.

Walking home before the downpour.

Not my birthday but it sure feels good to receive gifts.

After cupcakes, donuts are my next favourites.

It's such a refreshing change from the norm of either meeting the husband after work (when he's back in SG) or heading to my mum's to be with the boys.

Don't get me wrong. I love love love to be with them, but sometimes you just have to break away from the routine to get yourself back together again. 

Because being a wife and mother for a while, things can get hectic you know. So, I find that taking time away from these two identities and just being a woman, being by myself, being me, brings much needed joy and I find solace in it. And that's when I feel that I can go back to being a better wife and mother to my family. 

And so today I'll go back to being wife (husband is coming back!) and Mama where I'll go pick up my boys and we'll enjoy our weekend.

Have a good one!

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I know its Friday but hey, its still motivational! Right? Right.

Happy together

I came across this blog post and one of the points really struck me.

Point 6. Respect money.

Its not the type of respect till you placed it on a pedestal and worshipped it, but its the most basic kind of respect; managing it wisely.

And I also love how he wrote about when his wife couldn't decide on what to buy while shopping in a Marc Jacobs store in LA, he simply told her he'll buy everything that she has chosen. WOAH.

Its not a moment of madness, but like what he said, its about living in that moment and letting loose. And when that moment comes, you'll learn to appreciate these material things even more.

I couldn't agree more.

Once on a honeymoon trip in London, my husband also had that moment and told me to get a branded bag that I liked. Guess what? I didn't.

Because it was alot of money, at least to me, and I thought that I was helping him to save money. Turns out, he was having that moment when he wanted to let loose and get me whatever I want.

And he has never failed to rub it in my face ever since.

And I've learnt my lesson because now when he says he'll buy things for me, I'll gladly accept without hesitation!

We're not struggling as much as before, nor are we well off. Right now, we're just within our limits and able to provide for the kids and to me, that is of utmost importance. We're well fed, well clothed and well, there's a roof over our heads, and I'm really really thankful for these provision to pay for our basic needs.

But when it comes to a time of letting loose, be it on a well deserved holiday, handbag, shoes, clothes, car, house, whatever, don't hold back. Heck, it doesn't even have to be expensive too. If you're really wanting that bubble tea? Go for it! Cupcakes? Go for it! Cakes? Go for it! Online sale? Go for it!

Because once that moment is gone, its gone.

That moment is for making someone else happy. And when they're happy, you're happy.

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The only 3 year old boy that drinks coffee

Stealing sips from my coffee cup.
Cheeky.

Does anyone else's kid drinks coffee and loves it? He surely does. 

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Octvember

You know what? October just steam rolled by and right now its already November! This sudden realisation that its year end came to me when I was bringing the boys for a grocery run just the other day.

Benjamin was pointing out to me the red poinsettia balls hanging on the mall's ceiling while asking me why are they doing there.

Being the informative mother that I am, I replied that Christmas is coming soon and that's why they're hanging Christmas decora.... OMG CHRISTMAS IS COMING! ... tions on the ceiling.

Yeah, that sort of revelation.

So.

October was sure a fun month. We had a mini family trip to Cambodia, celebrated my 31st and ended with both boys catching hfmd. Just fun.

Right now, as I'm furiously just penning whatever thoughts that are coming, I've been at home with them the past week just looking after them. Whenever I see those damn blisters, I get so angry. Yet, I'm also counting my blessings. Because I know that they are getting well now and it could have been alot worse.

And for the past two days, both boys have been sleeping really early like before 8pm. Which I think I can get used to the early mornings and drowsy afternoons. Its a good trade off. Them missing the afternoon nap to go to bed early. Yup, its good..

Anyway, this post is almost unedited, just free flow of words bursting out.

And I just remembered that I've yet to draft that approval email to apply for no pay leave. Its never too early to panic right? Right.

So here's to you November. Be kind, be good, be not too fast to December. I'm not ready yet.

Just another day

I am a weekend mum. And they starts early at 7.30 am. 

Benjamin would wake up wanting his first bottle of milk and that in turn would wake Jeb up because all I want to do is to lie in for another 5 minutes which in turn caused Benjamin to yelled louder at me to go make his milk and in turn makes me so grouchy at being woken up so early to be commanded to make milk and which in turn makes everyone wakes up.

So many turns eh. 

And so the kids have their milk in bed, horse around for another half hour more before I get myself and the kids washed up for breakfast. 

It can be pancakes, fruits, scrambled eggs, biscuits, oats and whatever nots and by the time breakfast has rolled around and gone, its time for groceries shopping for lunch and dinner. By this time, its only 9.30 am but I feel like I'm ready to go to bed, again!

And the fact that one of my sons has no real interest in food other than batteries, paper and plastic bags, every meal times is greeted like this.

Feeding nightmares

And the real battle for the day begins. He cries, he clamps, I shoved! He cries, he swipes, I shoved! And on and on it goes.

For breakfast, lunch, dinner.

And this boy here, he's really such a sweetheart. Once, when the feeding nightmare got so bad that I cried, he did all sorts of funny faces just to get his little brother to laugh just so I can quickly shoved food into his mouth. Ahhhh, bless his heart.

They usually nap together in the afternoons where I gladly join them for an hour before I get up to prepare for dinner. Usually after dinner, we will go to the park for a stroll or I'll let them spend all their energy at the playground. My tactic is simple. The more they released their energy, the earlier they'll sleep. But alas, I've been proven wrong when their need to move surpasses their need to sleep.

During the first few weeks of solo parenting, I'm always at a loss when it comes to bath time for the boys. For Benjamin, its easier as he can play by himself while I handle Jeb first, but what about when it comes to bathing Benjamin? 

At first, I would leave Jeb in the cot crying his lungs out while I bathed Benjamin. But I've quickly come round to this problem by deciding they should bath together to save time but definitely not water as by the time I'm done with dressing Jeb, the whole bathroom will be all wet and soapy! 

My day with the boys ends when I've tucked them into bed after their bedtime milk and they have fallen asleep. Some nights, I thought maybe I can watch a show, maybe I read a book, maybe I can do some other things, but alas, I prove myself wrong when my need to sleep surpasses my need to do things. 

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Good shopping are worth sharing

Recently the husband introduced me to Zalora and got me hooked on it.

Unbelievable.

And I went shopping like never before! All from the comforts of my home and sometimes even from the office, heh.

This site offers a wide variety of shopping options for women and men which includes well-known brands like Marc Jacobs, Chloe, m)phosis, Steve Madden, Ted Baker...just to name a few.

But if seeing these branded names makes you think twice about buying as their items are gonna be super expensive, well you'll be in for a surprise!

Almost every week, they offer special discounts and promotional codes to help ease your pockets. And if you're not into designer stuff, fret not! Because, even for brands I've never heard of, the quality of their products are still on par and if I may say, even better than some of the retailers out there!

I can vouch with my life.

So far, I've purchase from them four times, and every single time I received my package, my heart would leap in delight at the quality of the products I've bought. And mind you, my purchases were either marked down, so called 'normal' brands which I've never heard of and always within the S$10-S$25 budget.

These are what I've bought:

Adel T-Strap Sandals

Mandy Studded Sandals

Aila Metal T-Strap Sandal

Bird Printed Tie Dress

Polka Dot Jacquard Shorts

Jersey Tank Dress
I got it in white though

I've worn the Mandy Studded Sandals and Aila Metal T-Strap Sandals out for the whole day and there is no discomfort at all. Their sizes runs true and it fits me very well.

For the clothes, the sizes runs true for me too, although the Jersey Tank Dress was a tad too tight around my erm have-not-loaded-off-my-poop tummy area. You want to see the truth?

I took a huge sucking in

and this is what happens if I let it all out

Just a word of advice; if you're in between size, go one size up as it would be easier to alter as opposed to sizing down. And also, I will usually refer to the model's bodys' measurements and the size she's wearing to get a good gauge of the fit.

While I enjoy shopping on Zalora, the best part of it is probably the Free 30 days return. If you just don't like your purchase when you received it, just fill in the form they have provided and dropped it at your nearest Singpost, that's it! How's that for convenience?!

And you can either choose to have your refund credited back into your bank account or as store credits too. Your choice!

So go take a look see now and get a S$10 voucher when you sign up for their newsletter! While you're at it, use my voucher code ZBAPPpe during check out for 15% off!

Hope you enjoy the shopping!

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*Disclaimer: I am not compensated nor approached by Zalora for this post. All opinions and purchases are bought on my own. I was given a voucher code to share as I've joined their Brand Ambassador Programme.

If you like it, you should put a ring on it

I was admiring a ladys' rings on her fingers the other day when I realised I have not been wearing my wedding rings for close to 3 years now. 

In the beginning, my engagement ring was like a shiny badge of honour and I would wear it at any chance I get to. For the very obvious reason of showing it off.

And after I got married, the wedding ring became a status bearer, telling the whole world, hey I'm taken! Married! Off the shelf! Like finally! Yay!

So what got me thinking was actually this. 

There really is a difference on your fingers to wearing and not wearing your rings. 

For one, you can truly feel the weight of the rings and it is a daily reminder to oneself that hey, I'm really taken! Really married! Truly off the shelf! Like yes its true! Yay! or Nay?

Ha.

I'm not making a joke out of it as many married couples can attest to the fact that yes, the rings serves as a remembrance to the commitment that they've made to each other, it is a symbol of unconditional love, endless love and it is to signify to other people out there at a glance.

However, there are also many married couples out there whom have been faithfully married to the same person and they don't wear their rings on a daily basis. 

There are many reasons for them not wearing it and still, they are being reminded daily of the commitment to their spouses. 

As for me, with the rings, my fingers feel shackled. Is that too strong a word? And when I'm not wearing it, my fingers feel light and free! 

But that does not mean I love my husband any lesser. Nor does he have any urge to go and have flings around. Although I'll still gladly accept that Cartier ring if he wants to buy it for me. Hear that husband of mine?!

Do you wear your wedding rings daily? And what are your thoughts on it?

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MummyMOO

Today, Jeb turns One

We held a small family celebration for him over the weekend and I attempted to make it a teeny bit more festive. I bought some balloons but one got busted while I was boarding the cab and the rest, well they got deflated. Two are still surviving but doubt they'll last the week. 

They're not very Pinterest worthy though I did get some ideas over there. 

printed via

Birthday boy chillaxing before the party.

Family.

One photo with his birthday present before his gor gor took it over.

Opening of his present. 

His face says it all.

Happily posing.

Still happily posing.

"Never mind. I am stunt baby and Lee Xiao Long look a like. My muscles will come in time.
So gor gor, you watch out. Wa-tah!"

It's been a year of trying times raising this kid. For one, he has an extremely small and fussy appetite. First milk, now food. While his milk intake is now much better, the trying and frustrating part is getting him to eat proper food.

Five mouthfuls in and he'll stop.

It's awful hearing remarks on how small and skinny he is but honest to god, we're all trying our hardest to get him to eat. And I know that there different kids, different sizes. But it's still demoralizing and heartbreaking to see his ribs jutting out when he stretches because we're so used to seeing chubby babies with fat rolls and double chins.

Nevertheless, I take comfort that he is at least developing well in his motor skills, he is healthy, happy and strong. Like able to lift a plastic chair and walk around kind of strong, strong. Yeah he is that strong for a one year old kid. We secretly thinks he prefers to eat batteries instead of real food because he's always gnawing on that anyway.

So. One huh.

Jeb Jeb,

Mama wants you to know that you're a very special boy. The second child. Perhaps relegated to having hand-me-downs, toys being snatched from you by your over zealous big brother, being shoved at, being yelled at, being pushed at. 

But you know what? You're no pushover either. 

You're strong, you're brave and you're fearless. 

You always picked yourself with nary a cry and always so eager to go exploring on your own. A little too eager but still, this spirit of yours is admirable. You know what you want and you're not afraid to get it. A little go getter you.

I hope you'll always have this spirit and not give up easily but who knows what the future holds eh. But really, never give up. Okay scratch that. I may be eating my words twenty years down the road but know that this applies to life lessons, not meal times.

So!

To an awesome year ahead!

Lots of love,
Mama

Next

We shifted house last week over the long weekend and I'm still bone tired from all the packing and unpacking.

I had only planned for us to packed everything on Thursday and the movers to move on Friday. A highly ambitious plan but thankfully, it worked. But definitely NOT recommended.

And to add on, we had to look after a sick Benjamin in the midst of all the mess and chaos but he was still so wonderful and sensible to play on his own although he would still come and look for me to play or read to him.

And of course, awesome family teamwork from the husband and my mother-in-law.

We're currently staying at an interim place and planning for our next phase, relocation.

In all honesty, I'm terribly afraid yet looking forward to it. It's so full of uncertainties, yet it is also filled with endless possibilities. 

I'm just thankful for all the open doors. And windows and whatever cracks there is. It has shown some light into our future and that's where we're looking at, forward.

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Facetime

If there's any lesson that I learnt this weekend, it is that I've learnt to really looked at my children's face. And perhaps put a name to their faces too, over here. I've been referring to them as the son and the kid, and truth be told, I get confused sometimes. Not just you, as a reader. 

So to set the record straight. My elder son is called Benjamin and the second son is called Jeb. There. 

As I was saying about a lesson I learnt this weekend was through looking at their faces right. I think next to a face of sadness, a disappointed face ranks the second. Especially of a child's. 

We were running late from an appointment and all the while I was rushing around preparing the stuff to head out, I keep yelling out to Benjamin to switch off the DVD he was watching. (He was watching a Thomas Sing-Along DVD and by now, he has know most of the songs by heart and the sequence to it). 

I told him to shut it down and he would reply "One last song Mama. The next song is Never Never Give up!"

Okay. Song came and during the song, he excitedly told me the next song was Down by the Dockside, which by now I'm already all strapped up, with Jeb, and ready to go. So I cut him off and said no. 

With that, he just gave a downcast look and said okay. 

And that, was the moment if I had missed, I would have robbed him of his excitement. Simply by not looking at him and brushing him off.

And thus, I said, "Okay, but it is really the last song". 

And with that, I gave him back his excitement. 

And we left the house on a happy note. 

Sometimes throughout the day when I might be busy with the cooking, cleaning or my phone (ahem), I would either give a cursory nod, mumbled some stuff or a quick wave to acknowledge him. Or when sometimes he'll be so excited to show me a new discovery he found, I would give a non committal grunt and he'll be so insistent and go, "Look, look Mama! Look!"

And it forces me to stop whatever I was doing and really look. It might be a flower, a dried leaf, a butterfly, a snail, some toys he found, some bug crawling or something and that to me might be insignificant but to a three year old kid, it is a life, alive. 

Lesson learnt. 

I put a mask over his bolster and it has become his new best friend.

New best friend is tired and sleeping. 

No. I am not the one who cut his hair.
His hair just grew wild after we shaved it off few months back.

And sometimes when I feel so squeezed out of air, I just have to look at them and it helps me to breath again.

Hada Labo 3-in-1 Ultra Hydrating Perfect Gel

{SPONSORED REVIEW}

We all know what happens when we don't get enough sleep. We'll get tired, restless, suffer from lack of concentration and not to mention, those horrendous dark eye rings and eye bags.

On top of these, our skin, being our first line of defense, tends to bear most of the brunt from the lack of sleep too!

Saggy skin, dull complexion, blotch and patches, you get the drift.

As a full time working mother of two, sleep is very important to me. Not only that, but what I use on my face before I go to sleep is even more important. Cleanser, toner, serum, essence, eye cream, moisturiser and the occasional face mask to boot, its an arsenal of products on my face!

Sigh. The price for beauty.

Since sleep is the time when the body repairs itself, Hada Labo introduces the new Hada Labo Ultra Hydrating Perfect Gel to replenish the skin's moisture while you sleep.

Less products = less steps = quicker time off to bed!

from the kind people from Hada Labo

glob of goodness

The Hada Labo gel has a rich cream texture that is non-sticky, allowing your skin to feel light even after applying. Be sure to thoroughly massage into your skin to allow it to be absorbed fully.

After trying it out for the past week, my skin became smoother, softer and it does really give off a dewy glow. As my skin has been rather dry due to the long hours in an air conditioned office and thrown in the mix of hot weather, I'm really amazed by how quickly I can see the results. 

Prior to using the Hydrating Gel, I've also been using their Moisturising Lotion on its own. But coupled together, its an awesome combo! Now my SKII has been relegated to the side. True story.

The Hada Labo Ultra Hydrating 3-in-1 Perfect Gel is now available at selected Watson's stores.

*Disclaimer: I was sponsored the gel for review purposes and not compensated in any way. 

3 Scratchers

If you have boys, you know where this is going to lead to.

I know dogs scratch themselves, alot. But what I didn't know was boys scratch too. Till I lived with one. Boy, man, that is, not a dog.

And man can they really scratch.

Its not just scratch scratch and done. It's full on hardcore scratching, making sure every piece of skin is scratched, up down, left right, up down again, left right and then some. It's fast, hard and brutal.

And you know they got a good scratch when there's a contented sigh. I should know.

My 3 year old use me as a scratcher. He always comes to me to help him scratch.

"Faster, harder, Mama. Higher, HARDER!"

The husband also uses me as one.

"Faster, to the right, higher a bit, no down a bit, left a bit, no no down a bit, yes yes that's it, no a bit more, ah yes yes that's it! AHHHH!"

Sounds exciting doesn't it?

So it comes as no surprise that my 10 month old also scratches himself. This is often done whenever I lay him down for a diaper change. Off goes the diaper and the scratching comes on.

It's hilarious watching a 10 month old scratch.

With all these scratching around, there is no need for a pet. They can just scratch themselves into a frenzy.

Weekend at Pasar Bella

Oh, this weekend was a good one. We went to this new place, Pasar Bella that was opened recently at Turf City. The concept is sort of like a farmer's market, only that it is indoors instead. There were lots of stalls selling fresh organic produce, cakes, jams, coffee, waffles, flowers and there was also this guy who was seated on his day bed the entire time we were there. Goodness knows what he's selling though. 

My hair and face was having a good day.
And can you spot the camouflaged baby?

We reached there about 12, so we grabbed some lunch first and decided to try Omakase Burger as it had good reviews on it. 

Ladies and gentleman, this is how an almost $20 burger looks like:

I tried the Deluxe Cheeseburger. No sides, no drinks.
Just the burger alone costs $15.90.

I have never paid that much amount of money just for burgers alone. We ordered 1 burger, 2 burger sets, 1 kid's set, 2 side orders of french fries, 2 drinks and it came up to almost $80! And the kid's meal is the only one that comes with a set. So, if you're not that hungry you can just order the kid's set, which gives you the option of a mini cheeseburger, chicken sandwich or parmesan chicken with fries and freshly squeezed orange juice at $13.90. Much more value for money! *cheapskate mama*

We stopped for a while to grabbed some coffee and waffles.
The coffee's aroma is simply too inviting.

The husband had beer with the roast pork belly.
Best.Combi.Ever. 

And the sister is back for a week for work and also for her friend's wedding.

Getting to know one another.

With her favourite boy.

And I end off with my favourite boy.

The handsome and the fishball.

To a good week ahead! 

Downtime

These past week has been rather bland. With my mum sick, the kids sick and the haze, we were cooped up at home, almost self quarantined, and it almost drove me crazy.

For a girl who likes her windows wide open, I had to endure closed windows and doors when the haze PSI level went up to almost 400. It was hot. It was stuffy. It was insane.

And so, the fan and air con had to work extra hard to cool us down. I am bracing myself for the electricity bill when it comes. 

I got sick too, just yesterday. My body felt hot internally but I was feeling cold on my fingers and toes. And to top it off, my pms has been riding quite high and I'm not quite feeling the rainbows. 

I feel really down.

Nevertheless, I am going to chin up and be thankful for:

The husband. 

this was one of the clear days when we venture out to get dinner OUTSIDE.
he knew that I was feeling restless after cooping up at home,
so he decided to be brave and asked if I wanted to go check out JEM.
he super dislikes crowds, so this was his way of loving me.
and the son is doing his 'Thomas' face. this is how 3 year old rolls yo.

Happy kids.

all masked up to beat the haze!

this photo shall remind me that brothers in diapers
are brothers in cahoots.

he always gets excited when he sees his father on the laptop.
so we generously gave him one.
a spoilt one for him to bang away.

 And being vain.

keep calm and put on lipgloss.
loving this shade from Mary Kay!
get yours here!
be pretty and get to do some charity at the same time!

And for all good things to come!

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